We all deserve to be happy. Luckily for me, I feel happy more often than not. I've taken a lot of time to figure myself out, explore the world around me, and discover the multitude of things that bring me joy. I'm aware that not everyone is in the same place as I am, and are still figuring things out on their journey through life, so I wanted to share this link with you:http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/08/here-are-the-things-that-are-proven-to-make-y/
What's the secret to living a happy life? I have no qualms admitting that I don't know everything (even though I love to argue that I do from time to time). If you take anything away from this posting, it is to try to avoid life's most common regrets.
We know what people most often regret before they die:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying
I feel fortunate that during the course of my time post-college, I've managed to live many of these, rather than simply wish I did or didn't do them. I feel as though one of my biggest strengths is doing things that I say I will do or that I want to do.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I feel as though I never really had the chance to live the life I wanted until I freed myself from trying to figure out what my life was supposed to look like or trying to only do things that made my parents happy rather than what I wanted it to look like or what made me happy. My parents always wanted me to become a doctor, lawyer, politician, anything where I could make tons of cash and have high job status. Being the "bad kid" that I am, I've always decided to pursue a career that I enjoyed, that came naturally to me, and that allowed me to utilize my skill AND personality. I find that I still fight this battle pretty strongly (I had an argument with my parents about why I choose to live in Portland instead of Vancouver--even though I could save money on paying extra income tax to Oregon), but I'm pretty good at sticking to my guns and doing exactly what I want.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
When I first started working in my role at Gerding Edlen, I worked more late nights than I can count. I spent the majority of my time at work (which I enjoyed decently), but I realized that I didn't have any hobbies. My work was my life, and I didn't spend much time on anything else. Now I've learned that I can spend a late night in the office here and there, but that it's important to try lots of new things and take time to explore what makes you happy. Someday you'll either lose your job or retire, and when you lose that sense of self that you've thrown into your work, you'll be clawing for your identity, but have no idea where to find it. I had lunch with a lawyer a couple weeks ago, and he was telling me that as he get closer to retirement, he's absolutely terrified because he doesn't have any hobbies anymore. He doesn't know what makes him happy, and has to take time to re-learn how to have fun again. I work to live, not live to work. Work isn't my life, and I refuse to ever let it be.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Feelings. Oy. The little I actually know about feelings. On top of being raised in a Chinese household, me being a T on the Meyers-Briggs indicator has made it so I've typically experienced life through a very logical lens. If it doesn't make sense to feel a certain way in my head, I can "will" myself out of feeling it. That being said, a lot of times I'm not great at expressing how I feel. One of my best friends commented on one of my past relationships, stating that he never heard me say how I felt about my boyfriend at the time, and that I would be a hard person to date because I'm not great at providing words of affirmation. This shocked me, so now I'm absolutely terrified that I won't share how I feel often enough, coupled with being terrified that I'm sharing how I feel much too often. I definitely have no problem telling my close friends what I'm thinking at any given moment (the good, the bad, and the ugly), but feelings are a different story. Obviously this one is my biggest work in progress, but I'm optimistic that I'll get there.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
While I don't think I'm very good at it, I've been told by some that I do a decent job of remembering people throughout my life. When I was in middle school and high school, a lot of people would tell me that they thought I was fake for whatever reason, which was pretty disheartening for me. I have genuinely cared about most people I make an effort to be friends with. Any time I travel to a new city, I try to meet up with old friends I've known from different areas of my life. I try to stay in touch with people by sending postcards on a whim or holiday cards each year. I try to give people a call here and there, send Voxer messages, texts, Snapchats, tweets, Facebook messages, Skype dates, or whatever. I have a love/hate relationship with social media, but if it helps me stay in touch with people who are important to me, I'll take the time and make the extra effort to reach out. It means the world to me when people do the same.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is one I'm not afraid of. I've made a conscious effort to weed out people who bring negative energy into my life. I've taken the time to do things that I love, and live a full and happy life. Beyond that, I've done what I can to do the same for my friends. What good is being happy if the people around you can't be happy too? Sure, it's nice to be the one who's happy, but to stay happy, you'll want to surround yourself by others who share the same positive energy and thirst for positive change.
All in all, I love the fact that if I were to kick the bucket tomorrow, I don't really have any major regrets (...aside from not going to Burning Man.) I love my life, and I feel very fortunate to be where I am and who I am.
Here's a link to the actual book:http://www.amazon.com/The-Top-Five-Regrets-Dying/dp/140194065X